Rachel

2007-09-19T22:27:00.000+08:00

i am scared. i have this fear of swallowing the next pill. i am afraid of the overdose. not just the overdose, but also the after math. i would want to be your perfect girl. i am afraid of screwing uuuup. i know we're onyl human and everyone has like room for mistakes. i don't see this possibility here. i am afraid of my insomiac nights to come just worrying about you. why is this coming all so dramatic.

the timing is just horrendous. i need to blurt this out. i love you so much. but this is still getting me anxious in every thought i process. it is the words that you do not say that sometimes cuts thorough me like a knife.

you just have to know how stronlgy i feel for you and that it was not a drastic change falling...
i WANT to be theree for you. i so wanna "catch you if you fall". in every rise and fallll... just let me do my thing and i swear i would try to ease the pain, or enhance the joyyy.

its this fear that's picking my brain. i do not want to screw uppppp. you have me my lovely bones. the laman of my tinapay..

2007-09-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

why is it at this crucial peak that he has to get sick :(

championships are within the next two weeks, I'm sure la salle will fight it out with all their hearts. it's only now that i seriously don't mind jumbling the priorities with basketball and studies. hehe. that team certainly deserves the glory. will speak hypothetically about it, so as not to jinx it. ha! :D
like all varsities, they portray utmost dedication and hard work.

we'll just have to see how far their lasallian hearts bring them. i strongly believe that a pride of a lasallian would be the reason why any varsity would win. a heart of gold and the lust of victory.

i question my lasallian heart now, i don't beleve i'm weak. i'm really trying to reasonable with myself and situation, respectively.

2007-09-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

i was just browsing through the emmys 10 best dressed, stunning dresses i must say.

it's not that i feel insecure. i think sometimes i just need to be reminded that you need me. i want to feel that overdramtized sense of being needed. i tend to forget about the worth of my presence.

i don't think there's any harm with airing my thoughts, i just need to get it out one way or another. i do feel like I'm replaceable somehow. just so you know, you are irreplaceable. you get me my highest point of cheese. as cliche as it sounds, you've lessened my prideful moments and make me feel like fighting is the most unnecessary conflict between to 2 love birds.

you have allowed me to become fullest of me with just your presence, its hard for me to put into words how deep these emotions are. do not underestimate my shallow words of obsession. for they are not about how crazy i am for you, but how lovely it feels to be with someone who makes me feel that there's nothing in this world to worry about.

i feel like you've become leeched upon me.
a leech that heals my wounds of desperation.
for with you there's no such desperation..
it is this severe admiration that i have for you..

i feel like my posts are never read by you, but there's only one youuuu.
these exact feeling don't exactly have to be felt by you towards me.
oh i how much i hope that just the essence of these words could be mutual between you and me.
i love you, there's just a thousand phrasesi could go on about you and i.
you just make me feel greatttt.

i just had to blurt that out (:

2007-09-11T21:02:00.000+08:00

i don't know if this is a cry of attention or desperation.

hahaha.
i think it falls under both...

i wonder if my attention has diverted into an obsession. well i don't want to call it an obsession, because that would mean i'm compulsive over you. i am not self assured. a misconception to many, even to the closest among you.

what makes me more vulnerable, is that I feel that I can be replaced. It is that exact emotion that you don’t want to be replaced. It really gets me thinking. Is it an unhealthy insecurity?

An overbearing sense of care and concern.. To whom does this benefit?
Wonders of my little burnt head..

2007-09-02T17:06:00.000+08:00

why do we choose to run away from the planned future...

why do we choose to hide what's in out minds....

why does every happy glorious moment, have to end with knowing, that it could be the last of it...

why why why.

i love mr. okubo.

you can be my lolo.

2007-08-27T00:26:00.000+08:00

i would like to blog about my feelings for my boyfriend.
there's always this notion. that you would be saying current boyfriend. i think that's underestimating the status of a relationship.

i think this owuld be a compilation from all my thoughts this week.

lets start with the creature who ruins my supposedly bright starts. dang woman.
what i don't understand sometimes, is how people can put in so much effort in making a humungous facade. which i swear, only works on an audience. it's like i can read through you at one glance.
also, what do people do to yoiu for you let out such an attitude?

oh well.

oh, we had a game against st. stephen yesterday and i scored 4 points. ive been having a constant dilemma of quitting, and yes, i don't mind being open about it. i must say that, it is the company of the team that is my fundamentals of staying. and having to talk to masshi saying that it would be rude made me realize that i cannot leave the people i've been with the past year.

through the years, we grow mature in all aspects. i've noticed mine through the way i socialize, how i deal with my parents, my brother, my relatives.

and yet, we still have a whoel bunch of experiences to encounter.

for me, some of my most "life changing" ones were with the friends i adored the most. andi m happy. my first 2 surprises. hehehee.
myu firsy pair of slippers form someone else.
little things..

little things that really make you smile form looking back.

i believe that it doesn't matter what "cool shit" you've done. hahaha. however dorky it is, the people around you make everything worth while. i'm thankful for havign the friends i have now. hahaha. they've broaden my horizon on different essentials of the filipino culture.

i'm at the peak of my high school life and it feeels pretty good. to those who really exert so much effort into ruining your days. alrighty then go ahead.

hahaha.

love is a beautiful hting ain't it? hahaha.
brings out the best and worst out of a person.

:D

it just gotta remain mutual dearies.

2007-08-21T21:02:00.000+08:00

hear my lovley thoughts.

it's been a while since i have been struck with paranoia, but this feeling is usually driven by insecurityy right?

that however comes from the lack of trust..

hahaha.

i think we just got to remind ourselves the tiny action that people for do us. a simple action speaks a thousand expressions of how much he/she would want you in his/her life.

do we keep them in mind, or do they have to be constantly doneeee?

had my first ever surprise, eventhough being spoiled by mang mel, i was rather surprised to see the people who came.

hehe thanks anna, hannah, boojoo :D

2007-08-14T21:28:00.000+08:00

why i find blogging therapeautic.

i get to have my 2 cents worth, uneddited.

seriously, sometimes i find myself amidst confusion.
exactly felt in this instance..

let's just be true wiht ourselves.

who really digs broken promises..

it's that feeling of looking forward being bleah-ed out.
my weakness of being unable to control my emotions when it happens.

what the hell right.

we all can't be perfect little stepfords with no depth.

but. we can try.

2007-08-08T18:21:00.000+08:00

so it rains with the misery of others.
a calamity which brings irony to one's couple.
lightning of yearn striking these two lovers
creating a mutual atmosphere amongst these hearts

driving her to an excess burst of passion
knowing a lover's spur shall never die out
blessings like conic droplets into his arms
flowing to a river of ironic zest

in moist there lay two beating hearts
the adolescence take pride in their embrace
savoring the moments wished to be relived
all thanks to a storm that whiffed passed by

2007-08-04T22:54:00.000+08:00

ok. upcat was a serious brian drrain.

i'm so not expecting.. "we're glad to inform you.. " :))

sad girl..
the filipino was a killer.. hahaha.

and so from a strenuous day.

:(

bleah.

2007-08-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

it's 2 different dilemmas that i'm entiwined in.

one of the mind, and one of the heart.
how cliche can one's life get. hahahaa!

it's a battle that you have live out...
again.. circumstance, i find this word rather cursing if you ask me..

to do something which seems to be all out of obligation.. how would you deal?

hugs you like no tomorrow.
kisses you till it feels like his lips are glued to your facee.
the scent of manhood/infancy.
beautiful love and friendship.
that coincides with every inch of happineess in you.

that's what he makes me feel.
and i love it.

2007-08-01T19:32:00.001+08:00

it's a date.

the feeling of drift that gets you wondering.
these sudden burst of emotions.
spacing to the wonders of her mistakes.

what really has to be done, push yourselves into the notion that its necessary. or to what seems to be.

they all have their ups and downs.

its to you they say...
have that damned capacity to suck it up.

2007-07-31T21:16:00.000+08:00

understand.

understand the circumstance
accept the circumstance.

a circumstance is an inevitable state of confusion.

is acceptance the core to one's peace of mind?
i highly doubt.. do i blabber about the tribulations?
whine till the highest heavens?

now, where would this actually get me.

we say that we have a inifinite flowing liquid pumping through these narrow veins..

they flow into the ocean of self confliction..
drowning in the merkiness of direction.
lost within this wreck.
grasping of air that seems soluble..

na-uh honey.

2007-03-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

thisis so amusing.

hahahhaa. something that's supposedly dead, but hella alive.

my oh my.

i think my deepest fear is that my instincts are correct. sometimes mistaken my ego, but it depends on your impulse.

there are so many occasions i regret not reacting on my impulse... oh well.

hahahaa..

i hate this.

2007-03-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

this is what i dont seem to understand. why do we woman have pms.

why cant it come with the power of differentiating and identifying what we really feel.

all this overwhelming emotions, are they really result from the periodical chemical imbalance?

it's not funny. i tend to realize so many things that drive me insane. suicidal thoughts.. not in a bad way of course..

are the options of running into a wall a result of some deranged human anatomy which was cursed upon us..

or is this plainly the true blue emotions layered upon the wasted efforts.
why does it seem so easy to become ignorant.

numb. who really knows the definitions. what is the purpose there.
so boohooo on me im emoting. but where do all of this emotions come from.
why is it that when you start acknowledging them and try to solve, everything seems to fall apart.

all this damned pieces can't even fit in together..

who the hell needs this shit.. seriously..

2007-02-24T00:55:00.000+08:00

who is actually worth your time. who?

why do i rely on you so much.

like.. dang.

fucking tiring.

i was on the verge of fucking falling asleep, now im fucking wide awake. mother fuck..

ive been using the word fuck alot today.

beautiful word. FUCK.

2007-02-22T22:07:00.000+08:00

this is just so weird,

always seems liek so disturbed. why do people have to lie to youu.. it's too obvious.. feels very uncomfortable when done.. oh well...

i understand if some things have to be hidden, just no directly..

im not bored...........

tralala.

2007-02-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

this is is just so weird..

i was replaying the scene where i got the rear.. is just that this time, it moved further and further.. does profanity give your partner the absolute right to do that.. i don't know.. i gues it's reasonable.. but in human ethics, when do you ever turn your back on someone who'ss tlaking to you.. it just seemed oh so over dramatic!

then the after part.. which still lingers on to this moment.. really is a pain in the ass ain't it..
i don't understanddddddddd..

sometimes when you try to o the right thing.. it seems to be the ultimate wrong thing.....

aghh...

then when you misunderstand....

haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..
mo fo.. :(

i don't wanna share, cos i don't want the wrong idea.. and i don't want what i can predict to happen..
i know it would be total chaos..

phbbt.. whats so wrong with avoiding chaos..

haiiiiiiiii.

2007-02-18T22:34:00.000+08:00

this is just some overrated bullshit going on..

what the fuck is happening already..

i can;t breathe anymore..

fuck it's a sunday.. chinese new year.. this real shit.. both english an d chinese new years have to start ofliek this. what kind of a sign is this..

i can't breathe anymore.
i don't understand anymore..
why is acceptamce taking a diffferent toll on my mo fo emotions...

my masks are starting to come on...
these ffin masks making me conscious than ever..

yeah you're alot bette rlooking than i am..

what the fuck is wrong with me that just can't be a part of your world...

my used to be effortless personality.. is just gone..

i ask for thee masks with no origin. these masks made to cater to YOUR emotions... to make sure YOU feel ok with everything...

what is so wrong with this nudity...

why is my naked personality so bad...

why does have to be made up just for you to like it..

why does it have to be this way..
can't you see that i'm turning blue in this agony...

let me breathe...

just let me breathe....

2007-02-17T00:49:00.000+08:00

i don't know why everything seems so pathetic and poointless..

why do i smoke?
it's like.. i look at the stick and contemplate, as i look up, i see the reason.

how can this reason drive me to want and ramp my self into a wall..

there are so many things in the world that my only human brain can handle. sometimes you don't know if it's all a over reaction. you feel so strong aout one thing, in the consecutive moments, it seems to disappear. i always wonder what makes me forget things that have been sculpted on my bones... something new can just come in and tear you apart...

have you ever wondered why we let the smallest things tear ourselves apart.

is it the outburst of emotions that we say "high school drama" if prom is over rated, high school drama is under estimated.

it's real feelings that we teenagers battle.
where does all the rebellion come from? some blame it on their rocky families.. what about the upbringing....? everything tht refelcts on a person, is just a result on home. home is the place, whether you like it or not, is the heart.

i don't see the point in so many things.. lately i just want to be run down by a car... or just run into a wall... the adrenaline pumps me to a higher level... then is sooner sunken to depression... if you'r ein the fault, why are you suffering form these symptoms..

unlimited texting... how i wish it could be unlimited patience.....

how can i say something so harsh and heavy that could just turn someone over.. what hurts more is that.. expecting so much.. and just being pounched in my non existent balls...

i want something to fall on me and just squish me...

i'm feeling emo alright...

too damn emo...

it's turning me in and out tha ti have no more energy to deal with what emotions i have left... what's the point of explanations? explanations do not play as defenses... sometimes.. explanations are the expressions of what you really are feeling. why is it so hard to get accross the other room... why does it get so tiring to stand by it...
then, the people closest to you... make you acknowldge issues, that you can't even feel in your bones....

the repetitive music playing in the bsackground makes me wonder how...

the girl who screwed up. who didn't even notice what was going on... it hurts more when you find out in the end what really is going on... i don't know how to explain it. but it definitely strikes you more when it's long gone...

emptiness...

why does it feel so strong.. and yet... it can't be solved internally... it can't be accepted... why do you do tihngs to save somehting on the higher level, when that higher level is actually a mere reflection of my imperfection...

these imperfections thatjust drop on you, how do you even deal... not good enough... inadequate...

very..

where does all this energy and effort go to...

why do people feel like shit...
why do people cry...

2006-11-30T20:19:00.001+08:00

heyya.

i realized my blog here is pretty deserted.

soo i'll be venting att

http://rachelsticks.multiply.com

2006-11-29T22:15:00.000+08:00

ok, im kinda thrilled about the whole classes are suspended again...

DUDE. this suspension is totally annoying,..

rumored to be stronger than milenyo... holy cow..

that means no electricity and everything again?!?!

sooo. intersting past 2 days.

hahahaha., hyper acidity was killing me in class! :(

goshhh.,

there's so much to do, the teachers seemed so stressed. school's seems all tooo mysterious right now,. its sad.

i think.. honestly, the leaders of the school are'nt assuring. they do play a diplomatic role... our parents are like.. really giving alot, yes the school's providing a good education, i agree, but the implementations should be tested carefully. instead of risking a whole population, in my opinion, it is unconciously killing the school.

change is never well accepted, and there's no such time. we as students are stubborn. given prior knowledge and moree preperation wouldd set us on the correct trackk.

crucial years....

im getting sick of my blog lay out!

haha i need something newwwwwwwww.,

many things to doooo.
hmm. hahaha say no to procrastination.

2006-11-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

its like this.

i was brought up in a different way. so my expectations ofl ike loved ones are just a reflection of what i thought.

its funy cos i can't seem to be but very paranoid. and things like "i know now.." just backs up everything.

im training myself to be open minded, that takes time.
however, right now, i'm just anticipating da moves!

what the hell was that? for? ok i have my period, yeah i'm telling the whole world that, cos its actually normal for us ladies for our privates to bleed from time to time.
period or none.

i thinkkkk. that has absolutely no mother father justification.

im fucking pissed off.

if it was'nt for practice.
haii.

hahaha.

lets just see.

imma be ffin psychic if its a solo flight within the next few hours/days.

fuck.

my blogs layout is like really retarded. hahha.
oh welll.

big mother father.

have not forgotten? my latest obsession with dicta's voalist? hahahahaha.
WHOOOOO!

2006-11-25T11:23:00.000+08:00

hello :)

hahah i think that would be like my first real meant smiley in a gally long time. :D

hahaha.
maybe just maybe.

hmm hahhaa,

i'll change this blog lay out..
there's peace already eh :D

2006-11-19T23:12:00.001+08:00

ok i lost my trial of thoughts na........

now i have nothing that im assured of..

except for my sexuality.. duh.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

2006-11-19T11:47:00.000+08:00

hey..

friday was adventurous..
i don't understand why im so unassured lately..

i know what I want. but it seems like i can't have it.
the babe, and everything with te babe is fine.. you know perfect and all cos i'd klike to think that both sides already has matured, and take the relationship into a whole different level. i know that it would deepen, i think its more than of an ouside factor which is pulling me back.. i don't know what it issss...

now that right has been stripped off me..

i don't know what to do, cos its really up to me. and i don't know. i just don't know. i hate that decision. but i have to.. cos if i don't i'd be only bringing him down.. and that's being selfish...

phbbt.

this has been a relaly pouty situation.. :(

and its taking such a long time to unpout itself...

its the decision that i have to live with.. haii. thats the sad reality...
its correct..
and i am honestly being childish about it. cos i don't want to face it.. so pushing it aside is'nt helping. lucky there's a level headed personality which like kinda gives you a reality check..

reality...
we either choose to face it or ignore it.
if we ignore it.. it comes back 10 times worst. however... facing it.. its the same weight. but it just like.. i don't know sticks with you alot longer..
let go of reality...? then i'm just lying to myself..

the whole decision thing makes sense.. its easier being said than done.. thats all i have ta say...

dang

2006-11-16T21:56:00.000+08:00

steady....

who was i kidding.

hahaha..

no such thing in this world of mine. steady..
haha its either. boom.. or like.... totally.. kaboom.
steady is like........ wwwwwwwwwoooooooow....

unacheiveable!

:(

bleaah.. damn. 13 months. hahahaha.

dang.

2006-11-13T11:05:00.000+08:00

u know what.

the engagement has been called off..

haha i was just thinking about it like a while ago

buh doink.

2006-11-12T19:27:00.000+08:00

i was just reading disenchanted by my chemical romance...

i like their new album. hahahaa.

its a nice song... im listening to it.. haha
but the lyrics...

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)Now will it matter long after I'm gone?Because you never learn a goddamned thing.You're just a sad song with nothing to say About a life long wait for a hospital stayAnd if you think that I'm wrong, This never meant nothing to ya

thats the first few stanzas.
its kinda messd up

hahaha so this weekend, was'nt exactly liek successful. did'nt attain what i wanted.
maybe over time.
time... is an essence. sometimes time kills you.. well hahahaha.
lets just laugh!
and laugh...

i went to music one today.. they changed tower records! i mean the name that is.
there's this kick as compilation house music.
GOOD : house music in the background
can anyone like lend it to me.. haha its so relaxing.

going back to rock is making me more hard up! hahahaha.

whatever...
lets just start the week right.
i get to play with balls again!
maybe thats the missing piece here. .hahahaha

i need to play with the balls !
hahahaha.

anyways. love to allllllll.

mwah

2006-11-11T12:53:00.000+08:00

ey.

once again... *doftb by dictalicense playing in my head*

oh well. i guess some people move faster than others.

fshhhht.

here we go...

the process of evolution must begin rather soooooooooooooooon..

2006-11-10T22:07:00.000+08:00

this week was'nt pretty at all..

but first of all a big HELLO TO MY BELOVED KICK ASS FRIEND ALEXIS BISUNA!!!
OH CHECK HER GREAT DEBUT AT ZOBEl'S WEBSITE :P HEHEHE. just click the link :p

the late nights, water works.. wow...

the sickness. haha the love sickness! hahaha!

nothing to make it better at all~
no cure.. whatsoever.. thats so saddening !

i guess the carrot cake from bizu which awaits my indulgence shall help me a tiny bit~

i see now that it isnt affecting the two only, but the people around me too. thinking they're protecting me from the truth.. haha i understand that completely...! seriously i doooo~

its just somewhat of a "haii.." moment when you think of the reason. i mean as much as possible they can refrain from telling me.. I find out either way. if its the truth.. they bound to unfold its way. to me.. hahaha pretty annoying too.. cos i kinda don twant to know anymore.. cos everytime i know.. its another viscious cycle and i end uup on the rope about to cut my head of! haha.
well.. the truth that old habits NEVER die... reached me today. hahahaha. lets just gamble everything away. life is a gamble anyway.
you risk the people who really loved you away..
and u risk the option of the person who loves you not finding out..
yeah gamble it all away.. ahaha.
its a win or lose situation now.
nothing in the middle!
cos in gambling u never stay in the middle.
u either win or lose alll...
but then. i dont know why people risk things..
why..? :(
thats the part wheni think i really didnt do enough of the sort.. thats why the gamble has to be taken... and it was'nt really worth the while of sticking to one.. when you could have many at the same time... cos sometimes.. we have to stick with reality. eventhough there are statements of pretty things said. you can never run away from reality. cos life is reality.. we have to face it. and truth really bites you in the ass...
i don't want conflict any further with all this acquired information. i really don't want to... thats why apologies fix everything.
temporarily that is..
had i folllowed my instincts.. haiiii.
whatever.

well as my dad taaught me.
so long as your on the right track, and you know deep within... you know you did'nt o anything to destroy something..
you should have nothing to be worried about.

Now, i'd like to clarify, the people how think like that most of the time.. are somewhat the apostles of egoism..~ so don't mistake me.. im talking about people who are intact with their feelings.. and values. and their standards of good are strongly grounded...

there's nothing wrong with stooping down from your guard. especially when your partner accepted who you are completely...
once you've somewhat gambled it away.. or even taking that gamble. you dont realize that your actually losing him/her as the moments come by..

cos your fights will be based on your doubts in a way. cos your doubts are from what your doing that you cant tell him/her... people fail to see that sometimes. im talking in general right now.. you have more arguments cos you think that you cant even trust the person.. i have an explanation from that.. cos.. when you take gambles.. you are in engrossed with the game... you fail to really communicate with the real "person" who you're with.. and you kind of minimize it.. that.. when you start communicating with her.... its like.. your not used to it.. co syou were'nt exaclty paying attention to her.. but more of interested in something else..
i mean thats my opinion.. with the help of a great friend to realize something like this... and of course, life's experiences itself.

yeah.. only 16 years. but the experiences you have.. are eye openers!
well, they are for me... i see how people work now.. and is sad.. really sad...

so.. i guess it has been a really horrid aching period of time.. i mean they realy twick your emotions to another level, that i must say.. has beeeen.. soooooooooooooo.. exhausting..

now.. this weekend.. im so regaining my energy back...

i love all of my friends..
i guess my love shall go out to the people who actually need it...
not to the people who gamble it away..
why..?
for reasons unknown.. -the killers..
i guess that title actually is self explanatory

haii..

love~

2006-11-09T20:13:00.000+08:00

Hello..

an emo night it was. a more emo day it was today!
gosh oh goshh!

timing was pwerfect for guidance.. hahaha same topic... again.. ever since the school year started. soo.. wrong info gotten...

now.. right info channeling in here.. hhahaha. every word stabbing! yehey... :'(

how can anything be reasonable then!?

how could it even be justified...

i was'nt trying to change anyone.. but... i was trying to help. i was in it.. cos i was sharing a bond..? one was all i really needed.. i mean like yeah. but maybe things didnt comeout as i wanted them to? i have no idea.. the whole relationship now is a big blur..
all those come backs... now seem confusing.. :(

everything seems confusing...

this is really saddening...

oh well..

that means all my doubts were correct... all those times when i thought it could have never happened... (?) did happen. i had'nt reacted on it then.. cos i thought it was impossible for it to happen on me... and it did. wow...
i always thought that maybe i had been the underdog.. looks like i've proven myself right again... i did'nt follow my instincts.......
i let "love" take over me... heart over mind... you see. .thats wwhat i meant. when you let your emotions take over you.. you get blinded by whats happening infront of you. those little things which had pulled your trigger actually dd mean something...
i just don't know how people are capable of acts like those. why does this kinda of hurt exist man...

maybe the reality of different "standards" is true...

yeah.. one pill of honesty.. and one injection of reality pleasee..

im giving up already...
the weather.. wow.. perfect...

maybe got sick of it.. then.. oh wellllllllllllllllllllllll...
or didnt do enough...

fshhhht..

2006-11-08T18:38:00.000+08:00

Love Sick

Its the allergy of being disappointed
The relapse of being hurt
Prescription of only one drug
The drug pushing you over
Rejecting this cure endlessly
Turning into a physical
Fate reveals the remedey
That remedy is never here
A bacteria to never be terminated
A virus that lingers throughout
The cure which is impossible

lame shit huh? hahahah i just had to do somehting o like get my bad vibes out.. i guess that was it...ha!

i don't know.. ive been obsessed with the terms "love sick".. i mean what is the real definition of love sick? im just saying it cos im sad and sick at the same time! hahaha.
so well.. haii..

the list keeps going on.. as the days go by, you try to forget things, but more things are put in your face.. maybe getting rid of these emotions are like the first step.. that seems humanly impossible..
my body is rejecting ittt... or maybe i just simply can't accept some facts.. phbbt. why does life have to be that way?
maybe.. its because i had not known an earlier.. and i was too easy..

its just a great haze of disappoinmtent that i have now. i feel somewhat of a failure.. this is like affecting.. fshhht..
if all of my days are going to be like this one.. dang girl!

i don't want to think ahead.. i don't wanna know.. but i just have to keep wondering... and its sooo disturbing...

obviosusly i never had that much strong of an effect. or maybe.. did'nt do enough... i don't know.. i have no idea...

i feel so disappointed.. not hurt.. just really really disappointing..
i wish i had a solution to this...

ive been trying to just stop thinking about it... everytime.. haii..
i waspushing the past away from me. when i could have dealt with it right there and then...
the hardest thing is.. you feel like your at the losing end, and the counter[art of this situation is probably just indifferent as it seems..

i have no idea... of how tooooooo... deal with all of this.. i don;t what the solutions iss...

i need a solution to like.. just stop thinking. cos evrytime i try and let it out toards the opposite side. i end up lsing my trial of thhoughts.. and then.. they;re already gone.. temporarily that is.. it haunts me so quickly after...

things turned out a different way... just in a snap.. everythin changes. we dont expect to change people.. if you were with them for a certain period of time... you'd think.. you had a certain kind of effect right.. even the tiniest...
i feel that i had no effec.t all my efforts trying.. never wprked out... usually if you try and try that person would be in a loss.. but now.. i feel like im really at wit's end..

disappointment turning into heartache? i hate using the word. but i can't find any other word which has a similar meaning to that. that sounds less cheesy and lame..

its depressing... i can see it creep into my personality...............

you'll say.."hey! im not thinking about it!" hello ! while saying that. your actually thinkingabout ot htinking about it.. so the it is still there..

im really tryin got be indifferent like the other party is.. maybe the other sidde is searching already. i mean if i did'nt care. i won't be affected by it.. but im really getting... hit in the head...

im feeling down.. and disappointed..
i don't know how to get rid of it..
.
thats why i need to be turned up side down so that all my bad blood somes out the right way....

haiii. maybe it is a failure. and all my efforts had really no effect or use, they were jjust empty. the idea of change, remained an idea and never turned into act.. :(

my vices were for my own good.. i knew that.. but at a point of time i did it for a different reason. i mean stopped for a different reason. cos i didnt want to disappoint you.. but to find out that.. things changed.. but feelings has'nt..
maybe all my power trying to help had never really been heard..

whats that song? "how to deal?"
yeah...

i don't know what im doing. i don't know why i cant control it. i don't know why i just can't stop...

i don't know why i feel like im the only one who's stupid enoough to stay in this level for the longest time..

gosshh...
this is bad.
its like im giving up on everything already.
like the end of the world is near..... waaaahhh...
sometimes people don't know about their say inner power? or like they're attitude. i understand when they are different with others. like.. u know.. someone different.. but shouldnt you show the real side to people whom u say "i love you" to? and not "casually" mingle with pther people righttttttttt...??@?@@??@

:(

2006-11-07T19:01:00.000+08:00

i'm smad...
im sneezing so much..
im feeling cold.. maybe its the reality of being buh bye.. hahah...

i think! im love sick!!!!!

hahahahaha :p

i don't like this feeling.. :(

stupid mother father MTS!

2006-11-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

let's just go whacky and forget about everyone!! yehey!!!

2006-11-03T22:13:00.000+08:00

flyff.
floff.
phbbbbbbbt.

we say that love is usually related with the exceptional emotions of a human beingggggggg.

ba-da-deeeee ba-da-doooo

sleeeeeeeeeeepyy...

this is probably the benchmark, which signals its just not right?
traboobalalalala. ladodododododeeeee ladadddada ba deeeee

2006-11-02T20:10:00.000+08:00

ok.....

so obviously me beong the Rachel Poon i am... im still lost.. hahaha its never me to just like let go of things unless given a proper explanation.

this time.. i guess i don't need one. things seeem pretty obvious~
awww. so dramatic...

heads upp!

hahah just as expected crammin the papers!! ahaha.

:D

2006-11-01T17:23:00.000+08:00

i was just browsing through my past entries, there has'nt been anything really worthwhile to read or something.
i mean nothing really with substance of the sort.

it seems like only when im paranoid, then i tend to vent our the proper way.

contemplating on how a person's honesty destroyed a bond which was on to a good lead. bad things come in 3s. i guess that was he third of them all.

who ever knows when the last goodbyes are?

sometimes doing the right things dont turn out the way you want to. i mean it is whats righteous. athough accordig to philoshophy, good can't be defined into simpler terms. what is right may not be good?
wrong. right and good are on similar terms!
what is right may not lead to something good more liek it.
i think thats my current inner conflict.
its a controversy (spelling?)!
i don't know what damage i have done, but it was definitely unintentional.. well i thought i was doinf wha was right or correct.
i thought in the undertanding of 2, honesty was always well appreciated.. maybe if i just kept my mouth shut about it, and just hide everything.. we could build a relationship on lies! betrayals! oh how i could have chosen that...

is'nt it so sad.... just so sad.
they say that love has no time limit and all that bullshit.
when you love someone you have to be patient right..
i juyst find it so amusing, that all my wishes from the past, are only coming alive right now.. when my patience has been running short!
imlooking for that same compassion that has seemed to be fading..
but compassion is'nt love! it has no equity of a sort!
maybe the relationship that was thought to be, was.. like built on betrayals?? that this simple honesty has taken a huge blow?! is that it??? that maybe your not used to it??
i always thought being open about things assisted people to be happier.. and it always made me happy.. eventhough there are its disadvantages! but life is'nt full of being happy straight away is'nt it!!?

i think i jumped back into something so quick.. something which i though had much depth... well at least that was what i felt..! but i think ive proven myself wrong.. i should have seen it from the first fight... tell me who the hell gets paranoid at their good friends?!?!?!?

i really thought that the time we shared together rubbed off a person, you know. letting them know.. stuff like.. "hey... im not perfect.. but im sureyou know that.. and like.. you know your the only one who i atually really are in to.. and like no one else.. so if there was anyone else, it would totally mean nothing. but thats like up to you believe. cos this yar shoudl have shown it and proved it to you cleearly, but maybe its just me.. who though that our depth would make these situations so much easier.. cos of the trust which i had thought existed.. he trust of me in you.. knowing that you were the only one.."

you know that sorta thing?!? just maybe!!!!!!!!
how is this possible!??!1
how can this just vanish away.. from something pretty damn shallow?!?!

and im just going to get the reply of..

do u think tha tyou didnt do things that would made me do those?
im always the one saying sorry...

WRONG! thats not true! oh and not to like.. forget.. the definite bringing up of the past!!!!!!
maybe if this was really the last goodbye...

i would know where i stooooood.
well guess what. i neever really knew what went on on the other side.. cos.. i just always talked too much!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

im gonna do my art project i cant seem to frikkin concentrate....
all im saying is.. i mean.. from this really long winding entry of mine, its like dude..! hello?!?! your babe is being honest!? hello!? hear her out maybe?!
instead of fucking hanging up!?! HELLO
but nooooooo..
that doesnt matter at all.. cos im just sooo shallow!!!
now tell me which part.. of "im willing to change" really!?!?!?!
u wont even hear me out! properly!!!

so much for hanging uppppppppp!!!

2006-10-28T11:29:00.000+08:00

there we go, steady connection...

start of the sembreak!!

i am a late bloomer... i never really understood the real meanig of breaks till coming hereee. and im stil blooming. which would make me really "totoy" but thats ok.. i accept that! hahaha

sooo... yeah. hopefully soundshack laterrrrr.

this break would be spent on my unfinished thoughts/doubts.
is'nt it amazing. i guess i can't just expect those ugly thoughts to like go away and just leave me forever.
Anna had a point saying that it could happen again. i was'nt around anymore when i was supposed to test if things really changed...

sometimes we just don't understand how to put our emotions into perspective.
its easier for some to put their hearts over minds. that would show the confidence you ave in your partner... the assurance you won;'t get hurt. then again. they say.. you have to get hurt either way. its after being hurt you guys makesure that similar thing does'nt happen again...
when youhave your mind over heart, you obviously have your circumstances. situations occured for you to come to this point, now... you probably hav been stabbed at multiple times.. but you think. wait maybe my heart has taken over my mind, making you oblivious to the number of times you are actually miserable.
when you actually realize how much infliction you've had..
it actually is too late. then you're left with bitterness.

how would you know right.
and it is hard. to say. yeah it will never happen again.

2006-10-26T19:26:00.000+08:00

heyya.

FINALLY!

i think those people at the sky cable call enter or something are probably sick of my voice. hahaha.

well oh well.

so this was intersting.
i dont know what to say. i thought there won't be fighting.
i don't see anything takign time to think. u honestly cnt just jump back.. haii i dont know!

im like.. left in a daze. very irritated, like mt perfect expression would be x| right nowwwwww.

i hope its still the same person who was with me tuesday evening. i hope it doesnt seem like there has been already an obvious shift of being.

its not a war anymore.
im not mad. i don't hate anyone.
im all about peace...
staying pissed off.. really has no use.
no matter hgow much has happened.
i think its obvious that everything stayed the same way.
but if its just going to be a constant shift of personalities.. thats so not nice.
looks like. its impossible.
fighting in less of 3 hours after reading it...
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.

2006-10-23T11:24:00.000+08:00

heyya..
so the internet in the house has been working up the past few days, hopefully the people will fix it.. so i never really managed to blog out how i felt about my weekend.

kinda wweird and worrying coz dad got admitted to the hospital... oh well..
but i he's getting better..

just added on to the whole yearning process..
less than 12 hours. and here.. everythings so temporary on this earth, your true hapiness cant even go beyond the 12 hours gap.

just leaves you having a really werided out saturday and sunday htinking and thinking..

i hope the net comes bacck at home..
get my blogging feel back!

ooooohhhhhhh weeeeeellll..
sembreak's pretty close! relive the moments!

oh yeah pao if your reading this! DANG!! chicken soul !!!!
hahahahaha
"the day i met Rachel.."

hahahah that story soundded like pretty much familiar.. hahaha asides the name of course............... hahahahaaha!

2006-10-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

watching hitch

intersting line..
90% of the things you want to say can't come out, cos its unsaid.

hahahaha.

it feels like summer heat!

downloading of multiply...
"save room for my love.." oh yeah. john legend !!

2006-10-17T21:04:00.000+08:00

"Never let go of anyone that you can't go a day without thinking about becasue there's a reason why they'r always on your mind."

i truly agree. (:

however. the reasons may not be too good, but the fact that they're always on your mind definitely shows something else.

anyways!! i had to put that quote here, cause it made alot of sense from me. from a mr. not so anonymous. hahaha. :p

anyways.. PARIS AND NICOLE ARE FRIENDS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! the world is a better place now!

2006-10-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

in the succeeding minutes, it owuld be exactly 525 600 minutes man!!!

hahahaha..

la lang.. just a thought of a thought.

im soooooooooooooooo FULL.

2006-10-13T21:13:00.000+08:00

so many new interpretations come along my way everyday!

is'nt it disgusting to see people just slave around..
horrid..

2006-10-12T19:01:00.000+08:00

why do we as human beings yearn for things we know we cant have
i guess thats it.
love is the best form of happiness..
its just awfully crucial to whom you share it with..

knowing the possible outcomes of betrayals are'nt enough till you feel it.
guess what, that test...
i never knew how till it came this way
it's ok... thats what i always said, coz i mean the things i say...

all these empty words spoken...
pushed one of us to the sside. .
maybe its because of the diversion...
we want to change things..
but wwould it really do us any evident good????

so far...
i gauged where my emotions can go to..
trust me, it went really far..
why do human beings too stretch the limits
how crucial it is to let it out
finding out later...
drained into a hole of betrayal....

what the hell.. we are only human..
now its our choice to rregain that sense of happiness and just move on with damn life..

this fucking cast is pissing the shit out of me.. i really hate it..
this passion inside me burns to write..
everything and everytime i write..
with every letter typed, is just a fraction of how much compassion i have...

love is non material..
obviously there's no end to it.
that goes for my passion...
all may seem to be gone.
the passion shall remain

i am the most helpless case right now
i cant move properly and do things that iw ant to do
as it helpless as i may seem.
im not going to commit the same mistake
falling on a stupid fucking cold rock...
"like violence, forever and after" - Blink 182

2006-10-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

nevermind

2006-10-10T21:09:00.000+08:00

its the bitter october nostalgia
the first realization
on the 8th and 15th, halloween following through

lying on the grass facing rants
finally settled, left alone
alochol much... then bam!

were these 2 hearts put together by accident
or was one bouncing of the other
we both are bouncing off now

in the hut thats gone now
shared my belated birthday
with a princess in sight
wandering eyes you wanted to knife...

supposed plan was cancelled due to a sickness
you were confined
heading to the park filling ourselves up with smoke
oh the days, that halloween
we filled the air

on our seperate ways, binded by an irreplaceable string
stabbed at countlessly
it still prevails
it just has tooo...
its no ordinary love!! :p

hahahaa.. oh well. i figured it out.
sapakan na? hahahahaa.. nah...
tralalalalala

2006-10-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

DEFTONES LYRICS

"No Ordinary Love"

I gave you all the love I've got I gave you more than I could give
Gave you love
I gave you all that I had inside and you took my love
You took my love

Didn't I tell you?
What I believe
Did somebody say that?
A love like ours will last
Didn't I give you all that I got to
Give, Babe

I give you all the love I got I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I give you all that I had inside and you took my love
You took my love

I keep trying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like
You and I
Baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
(Ordinary)
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary love
(Ordinary love)

-yeaaaah!!!!!

2006-10-06T21:06:00.000+08:00

my arms is in a real cast now...
its a res fracture

the timing is all so frikking argh..
i cant type much.

scanners are useful...

2006-10-05T21:00:00.000+08:00

denial...
never erases reality
neither does it change the fact of "seeing is believing"

we serisiously would'nt want a confrontation of vulgarities.
it would be somethin physical already.
hell we don't want that

2006-09-25T21:36:00.000+08:00

my blog so dead. oh soooooooo dead..

good weekend?

just really exhausting/ hahahaha/

2006-09-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

heyyy.

mums coming back :D

yes.

so last nights fundraiser a success. thanks for all the support. xposed 2? hahaha.

well..
i had a 4 hour nap like in the morning, which dad called in between. i contemplated for 3 hours when i woke up if he did call, or if i was dreaming! ahahhaa. :p
all these coincidences, im really curious if im the only one like noticing them, or my "hung up" ness is just playing my head. lets see over the next 2 weeks. haha !
miriam weeeeek.. huwow!

im listening to too little too late! hahahaha. its in my iPod! uploaded a few songs!

i never really paid attention to lyrics until i started listening to urbandub, it kina developed into a habit after..
was just reading "how to save a life" by the fray.. they're so good.
the lyrics depicts our last meeting.. meeting, not conversationg.. however it could be also the conversation. more of meeting i think. but just in different personna view!

oh yeah. its been what, 2-3 months already? 3 years myu senior, and obviously not accumlated enough wisdom with what to do... dude! analyze man. keep bragging about knowing everything.. 3 years your junior, and i can actually see where i stood, and where i stand!!!!
gosh...

eventhough it was like the biggest boo boo ever... man! still.. i could've saved myself from so many things.. like dude..

hahaha.
people need to take the fall to learn somuch more on their way up.. thats where i am nowww..

my "climax" well.. conflict more offf.. was liek the worst case scenario.. never expected to come out that way AT ALL... those were like my nightmares of the outcomes... like really. took me by surpriseee...
unbelievable i guess..
but whatever!

these are coming out correctly? hahhaa.
yeah

2006-09-24T10:41:00.000+08:00

am i the only one noticing these coincidences? hahahaha...

outfits man.

its really countless. at LEAST every other day it collides. hahahhaa..

funnaye...

xposed.. good turn out eh?
hahaha..

my legs are so damn tired......................

gooodnighhhhhhhhhht

2006-09-21T22:35:00.000+08:00

watching monster in law!!

hahahahahaha...

viloa.. she's sooooooo damn.. haahaha. i don't know whats her name.. hahaha!
now thats tigas
!
damn im eating so much. i had like chips.. bisuits what have you..! ahaha..

card distribution tomorrow, not too confident!!!
theres nothin gto be about anways :p

hoping xposed will be a sucesss mahn..
mehhn oh mehn

theres a tom cruise and nicole kidman movie. both having irish accentsss. sounds so weird my friend
nicole kidman looking hot though.
tom cruise looking short as ever, i dont think he grew over the years. the irish accent is liek getting into my thoughts! hahahaha

and im sleeeeeeeeepy

2006-09-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

heyya.

so just had the meeting. final one before saturday. :D

my oh my, its interesting!

all this time i thought really how down i was. i was'nt the one being totally honest? i kept asking myself that question... and i always knew i told everything. i was very open about everything. now... i know that i was, but dang! hahaha. dang nalang :p

i don't know if its the guilt that would bring out the otherside of the story, but thats not i want. i want the guilt, if hopefully not swallowed fully by pride. i want that guilt, to change.
yes, i do not know what you have evolved into. i dont know who you are. thats right. this sounds so movie ish, but i think we can all relate.
i know for one thing that you are'nt the person who i had met.
that, i can say.

the insecurities of us human beings usually leads us to bringing up old flames, fights..what have you? we all must admit to that, at least once. there's always an extent though. obviously its also natural in human nature not to be aware of the limits.

now i think... i wasnt being totally honest? hmm i don't think soo.. haha. there are some skeletons in the closet which certainly has'nt fallen out. out they will come? hahaha. who knows. i think, or i know! that it'll probably stay there and rot. if it haunts then it shows the warmth. otherwise, the cold has frozen you.
yes.. mind you, these are all figurative language. there ca be many renditions behind these. i leave it to you my readers to define :)

im not like emoting on this.. hahaha. really, its actuallu boosted me.
i admit.. "my castle was destroyed by canons"
im slowly building up. after today, i think, very much i've built it.. just not yet reinforced.

sad sad sad that all these realizations came to life now.

i dont know who you are now. i know who i am. im someone happy, rediscovering my worth. i dont think you even know who you are. where's the real you? buried under all that smoke? or was i not given all of what you were?
people change, but there morals don't. their grounds dont.
i committed mistakes. i explained. i never meant to ruin your face or anything, itsnot in my nature to intentionally do that... take a close look, has it been what you've done that could possibly ruined yourself?
slavage what you have before you lose your core allies.

2006-09-20T19:23:00.000+08:00

heyyya!!

tigas ako!! right paolo?!?! ahahahhahaa.

or shall i say Ace? hahahaha.

mahn oh mahn. meeting in like a while. hahaha incoming soupy head!

yahoooooooooooooo!!!

killer back. yeheyyyy!!!

2006-09-19T20:23:00.000+08:00

mahn..

was kind of spaced out....

haha played ragdoll avalancheee..

sooooooo i was thinking. yeah im all hung up and all, and the only solution of that isjust not to express it verbally for now. its really nothing anyway.

well oh well.
really showed what people are capable of and... ya know.. yeah.. sometimes i just think that its such a waste and rather sad that it turned out this way.. yeah.

haha probably the meanest said so far.
people learn from these things i guess. hahaha.
dang. those words really do stay hung up on you although you try to like cut it out from you. hahahaha

goooooooodnight. :D

2006-09-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

heyya...

gosh, exhausting.

no point of complaining cos its already like... this saturday...

just talked to my mummy and daddy!

shallow...
really nothing new. same excuses.

in a rush.. wasnt thinking...
hahaha..

well, why would i expect anything good after such a beautiful "conversation" which took place. who would?

exhausted. there were so many things discussed today which could have happened like way before..

anyhoos.
same things said over and over again.
really actually same old excuses.
well doi, i wont expect anything good.
i have absolutely no reason to do so, even actually believe whatever is said.
yeap!
i earned that right, cos it was proven to me already..
maybe contemplating on what was said is actually waste of time! hahaha.
i think it is.
cos its happened so many times. not post hoc.. hahaha. i don tthink its a fallacy...
its a sound argument.

really exhausted...
i miss parental unit...

2006-09-17T01:31:00.000+08:00

is this is a joke?
actually serious?
tell me if it is.
cos im not laughing.

i will HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.

this is just really... like... seriously...

buh-dang-dang

i have to let this out..

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

like really.. as in really.. really.. really?! seriusly.. wow.. hahaha.. this is really wow...

2006-09-16T13:52:00.000+08:00

hahaha...

gosh, seriously ive probably never felt such an immature vibe ever...

so we had a game today, woke up at 6... against sfac. then we headed to mall of asia, my first time. i thought the whole mall was like aircondiotined.. hahaha. no actually.. so ok thats the first first of today. the second first was sisig. yeaaah.. its good stuff. hahaha.
someof the girls stayed there, headed to alabang with coach and all~

mahn oh mahn when i reached mcdo.. HAHAHAA..

i havent had enough sleep from the past two days... its like.. dang..
slept at the back of the vaaaaaaaaaaaaan.. im hoping for more sleep..

haha i understand the whole drama blah blah.. but this.. hahaha this? this?
at least now i know.

its a whole different analysis when you step out of it for a while.
like you really step out of the picture.

hahaha. i was just thinking of some lines, its really so ironic!
they're airing alert the armory on the radio also...
i think... i mean these are just my thoughts.. no matter what has been said, its how people deal with it. and of course there was substance, very spicey. so what?
yeah.. so what? hahaha..

all i have to say is, this has been really amusing, the immaturity amazing. hahaha..

simple amusing.

"is the beginning of our last dance" is playing on the radio eh.. how can you just ignore urbandub... dang@ they played in bf last night pala.. :(

---------later on in the day

hahahhaa.
i frikkin watched a movie, full length.. hahaha!

its not an immature vibe actually, its actually really amusing. and i find it funny already.. hahahaha.
i mean there was of course nothing funny at all bout the u know. but i mean.. damn! repulsion baby.
its sucha strong obvious vibeeeeeeeeeeee. shyteeee
ooh the carrot cake in bizu. ooh la la!!
:D

2006-09-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

mehn!!
hahaha im sooooooooooooo stupidddddddddddd!!

hahahaha.. bachelor of science.. hahaha..

well oh well..
no more exemplary for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahahahaa...

no pain no gain! :D

2006-09-11T20:56:00.000+08:00

pushed it all aside

2006-09-11T10:59:00.000+08:00

its computer...

whatta night...

im like really sleepy...

alright. new term, "starts like this" - alexis.

yeah it did. yehey

yes it is amazing how moods swing.. and change.....

dang

frikkin yehey!

2006-09-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

is'nt it amusing how your moods can switch in a day? :p
in fact over hours?

things are rather fresh in my mind, however after taking that nap.. i kinda woke up to something new..

im hoping that i will be able to keep this mindset, its really good. i feel good. hahaha i feel sexy today! hahahaha..
what an expression :p

i hung with the lexi sexy today.. gosh time flew! we were at here "starbucks", brought back all the memories, halloween and summer hahaha. neatness~

its moments like these.. that really makes you.. ok now, step back.. look at everything again and again. theres no harm analyzing the same things over and over again. the next few weeks will probably be a lil zonked out, but i have many things to keep me distracted~
im searching for the deepest reasons.. hahaha. and sometimes, they are really in your face, your just blnded by the extravangant happenings... then ask yourself "was it worth it?"

"dont regret anything" - lexi..
come to think of it.. i don't!
now its someone else's turn. hahaa im not selfish!

well... yeah... im happy, i got to talk to mum and dad, made my day. lexi made my day too :p

like what my team mate said too, a sign from God. puts you through this.. im sure there's always good out of it.. no matter how bad things are, there's always 2 sides... and its up to meee. and whoever to pick which side to go too. and i'll probably stick to the more positive side..

you know.. i wont make this affect my next weeks.. hahaha..

chillllllllllllll

gudang. dang babee! helps you reflect! hahahahhaa.
the crisp when you take a drag....... woooooooooohoooooooooo..

thats it man for the month. hahahaha.

are you a buh doink doink?
random thought. hahaha.

keebian's chocolate cookies.. w-ow!

2006-09-09T11:29:00.000+08:00

wow, check the weather out, totally isnt helping how i feel right now..

well, last nightm, i guess people do define the terms "for now" and "forever"
only one week has passed.

its so funny how the people who check iif your ok, are sometimes the cause of why your not ok.

honestly if ihad known this before i met you, before we alked.. it would put me into a whole different perspective.. your telling me its only after we talked things our you started grow the liking? i want born yesterday. andim not new to this game...

forever and ever...
WHO WAS I KIDDING.

you know, i would have appreciated so much more if i knew this earlier, instead of continuing with these feelings... towards a wall......
when u tell someone you love them.. you sure as hell belive it.. that you were the only one that was thought of.. and not along with someone elseee..

now.. i think its unfair....................
at least i was true to my word...
but now?

i was the second choice...
damn... im new this sort of game.... and you know what? it hurts! gravely...

and im being checked if im ok?

soo i was probably right all along.. cos now this missing piece, which i should have seen earlier!!!!!!!! i shouldve!!! i shouldve!!! explains everything.. i hate it..

oh noww.... i have all the reasons in the world to hate.....

yeah im glad for the other counterpart.. yeah she'll be getting happy and all.. and all that..

but damn., "ugali" mo... who would think the same way after that... i dont know...

grabe....

fuckkkk... as in solid fuck....

why didnt you tell me any earlier!!!!
fuckkk!!!!!!

2006-09-08T21:14:00.000+08:00

heyyyooo..

sooooooooooo!!
we were in rustans for 3 hours picking out clothes, who would have thought that it would atually get tiring picking out clothes!!!

i've received new information... well... hahaha. seeing it from both sides. i shall probably just take it in? hahaha. oh well. i mean yeah ive heard what i was meant. hoping it still stands and wasnt like a scape goat. whichh i don't think it is anyway. your goodness cant be capable of that.
ive been contemplating on my bitterness the past week since last saturday, and maybe, it boils down on how i deal with it. getting over with it or while accepting things. if what was said on saturday was true, which still stands, then maybeee it would be an easier job. either way, if it wasnt... then.. it won't be a different story. i guess not everything has a happy ending. i've seen similar situations, on both sides. i saw what happened like.. on both sides of the wall. and it is a tendencies for girls, especially in my shoes to over act, well of course! we're made that way. but, knowing that your capable of over acting, then tells you where you stand already. it kinda brings you to reality. im stuck with the reality now. maybe i havent been totally honest with myself. who was i kidding? is this the bad outcome of it all? i don think it is, looking at the possitive side. normal to mourn... however, if the length of what was saaid only valid for a week? a few days? the "for now"? since i know that i would ovver act, or probably already have, now i ponder on the self assesment of denial. denying the thoughts. now, will denying lead to me knowing? i can only deny. i mean of course, i believe the things which were said, maybe to a certain level i can. but when will i ever know? so now, my knowledge is based solely on denial. obviously what i tell myself to believe to. i mean people, it is different when facts are flying infront of your face, its a different feeling. however when it comes to uncertainty, its up to yourself what you believe in. my basis, words exchanged.. and i surely hope they stand. "for now" two people, 2 defintions of "for now", and not to forget of course "forever and everrr"

love.
jealousy.
bitterness.
thats ok, my cup of tea :p

2006-09-08T13:56:00.000+08:00

heeeelloooo...
im awfully bored, although a lil tired form condiotioning. we had our bull session just now, pretty cool. ahaha.

i love you diobel~

waiting for replies.. dang im bored....

b-ored. BORED.... BOREDDD~

2006-09-07T20:22:00.000+08:00

hahahah wow.. i was just reading the old posts ont he tagboard!! maid!! hahahahahaaa...!!!

2006-09-07T20:12:00.000+08:00

heyy, so there goes first term, welcome in the 2nd :)

was just wondering why i blog. hahaha, well its a form of outleting i guess.

im tired.... my body's like all weak and shyte..
and painful.. i dont know whyy...

i never knew. that everything i had was falling through.. lalalalala...

the fray~ gotta get their album.

so early day tomorrow...
whyy oh whyy...

i just wanna know your name and maybe sometime we could hook up hang out just chill.. lalalalalalala..

its 8.25.. im hoping my body would le tme take the this advantage of sleeping hours and put it to its fullest useeeee!!!

2006-09-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

number onee.. alalala. .

hellllooo.. so tomorrow is finally the last day of the exams. GOSH! i found physis really hard... argh.. everyone said it was "steady" im like.. :(
english was toughhh!!!
hahahaha.. dang i was right with oedipus rexxx... aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh..

well oh welll....

the weekend isss nearing!!! and it looks dead!
so game in the morning and thennnn....?
buh-doink!!

dudeee. haha i slept.. it felt good, howwever woke up with a headache, my thraot feels dry dang! la salle classrooms SHOULD be ventilated on a daily basis man. especially on the weekends!

got me thinking... hahaha.. and feeling!

was in town just now, looking for basketball shoes, i'll probably go out on a search this weekend!
my shoes are sooo.. hahaha tortured..

imm boreddd..

filipino tomorrow.. hahah ano matter how much i could possibly understand el fili, understanding the questionairee will be... like.. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

buh doinkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!
likee really, buh doink...

loveness!!!!!!!! *happy love song* hahahaha.. im hyped.

impartial.. very.
when you have your own definition of completeness.. you would be able to meet it right? but what if you cant? deal with itt? hahahaha. dang, thats like... a necessity to deal... just desire.. yet no real thing.. hahaha! babe! what did i get myself into mahn.. these thoughts.. hahaha.. owww wellllll...
how can something which you know felt right, lead too soo many complications. that when it happens, it feels great, howevr left alone.. crap..
such a mystery....
and when its not happening, you know its just not right.
maybe the knowledge of knowign that it owuld be good is bad? itsnot bad..
but knowing that you cant have it, or that it caant happen.... you know, just the sumple things... which you had..
hahaha. ok im begging the question.
im still left in a mystery.. one big puzzle.. one question... which ive answered, im on the otherside.. i know reason.....

2006-09-05T20:39:00.000+08:00

heyy, ok outlet time..

feeling really like.. hyper ventilating ishh.. mentally and physically...

well oh well..

going to nashdc, allowed me alot of thinking and talking to miss ramos, who has been so high the past few days :p hahaha.

gosh..

2006-09-04T22:56:00.000+08:00

LOVEEEEE!!!!

dang im so bored and hyper at the same time right now.
its liek the caramel java chip thing kicked in 4 hours frikin later.
of knowledge that tomorrow will be a long day..
frikkin A timing!

taft again.. like hello!

mehn oh MEHHHHHHHHN!!
ahhahaha

wtf im so hyper.
at the rate im typing nowits like frikkin thunder speed. hahaha. no no nono no......
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

loveeee!!

2006-09-03T21:34:00.000+08:00

debating for 6 hours! hahaha.. NASHDC~

hmm.. i would liek to reflect, as we all know that its la salle zobel's first time to enter a contest as such... we were trained under a short period of time, and most of our team didnt have an experience. overwhlemed by what other similar human beings are capable of, we had our losts, however managed to reach to wins also :p

this has been a great experience, meeting cool debate people from other schools! hahaa. especially the girls, the guys are just pure fun~ hahaha. bitching about ahem.

well yeah.. it was th ebreak night party today, we couldnt stay dude to transportation reasons, but it was pretty fun stuff~

last night reminded me how things used to be.. hahhaa. how oh well.. ~im glad everything has probaly taken the final wave that clashed into peace. im thank ful for that in a way and probably mesmerized? wishful thinking i guess... hahhaa, well at least we reached something so that we wont have tto fight, and sorted our differences, priceless... esp the comapny..
watched your the one. hahhaa. i proably annoye the shit out of you.. but.. sorry! hahaha. after like putting my brain through 6 hours of rebuttals, argumentations.. propsals.. ADJS!! hahaha.. head kinda burnt already.. eneded up giving a free runing commentary of the movie.. hahaha.
haii.. (:

i had fun.. although im not sure what turn the night took towards the end, im hoping its nothign bad... really hope notttttt...
awww.. im getting all like.. walking down memory lane and all.. hahaha..

accused of something last night.. DANG. thats all i have to say. dang.

acknowledgeeeee... love babe!!!

oh well.. i'll probably blog my deeper analysis of things that has been happening later on... kinda brain dead.. well whats new :p hahaha..

mwah (:
high times!

------ later on

came accross a cd, a computer one.......... hahhaa now im asking myself why im puttin through myself this torture all over again....

sleep?
from no bangs, to bangs... to more pouting.. wow.. hahaha. i saw the whole history line, new hair cuts on both sides... spots, cars, rooms.. haha classroooms, R&J, noli. canteen.. koolee! huwooow.. so muchh more.. hahaha. however they lessened. lookin younger.. wow.. lookin at them just made me realize that it did change over the summer.. well yeah, lesser pics and all that i guess.. hahahah iits probably and evidently filled with new stuff now :p

let the high times fly, and the good times roll!
dang man! dang..

2006-09-01T21:41:00.000+08:00

second choice.
was that said just to escape something, to make a better choice between the 2?
you got what you want.
i dont know, sometimes ithink you put me through all this conlfict just to choose...
if thats the case...
thats a big..

so much for no more bitching and snobbing..

my brain's incredibly dead...

alright...

we lost both team A and B, you knwo what guys, one more year or experience we'd be good to go...

3 rounds tomorrowin taft.. gosh its sooo greeeeen.

2006-08-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

i just watched click, cos i was really curious with what the buzz was all about...~

it was really moving towards the end. but the build up of it were rather lame. however the moral of the movie was very much portrayed.

i dont think he loved her in the morning!!!
thats why thigns happend..
i mean not kate beckinsale ?

you may say the same things over and over again. but what difference does it make when you just hurt that same someone again? what point does it make? even though you try to make your point, words go a certain extent.. words without action really just derives the things you say too, nothing at all.. all to dust! thats what i think, and what i truly believe..

my reaction to the long message that was left is rather stale. why? i heard simlar things in letters and what other forms of communication have you in the past, and it still led to the same conclusions. me left hanging at the same time confused. this time.. hurt too.. i actually felt/feel hurt. .i mean there were times i'd just get pissed, and thats it. i don't know why, its really different now..
im starting to dislike you, i never saw that coming..
truly disappointed in you. truly appalled. i could say a heartless i hate you.. but you see i dont..
i really dislike you for what you did. i dont think any human being who were in that bad of an emotional state shouldve been turned backed upon.
it sucked.

what was the point of asking what was up, and me actually tellng you what was up?

dont tell me im all you think about and u love me with all your heart.. when you just porved what an asshole you could be when a person probably needed you the most so far this period of time.. that did not show a single ounce of love.. more of being a total fucking moron. i hate you for that. i really do..

you'd be doing me and a great bunch of people by fucking of...

sweet words now? SHIT.
cos you dont mean a fucking thing you say.
only the big man above knows what you actually meant beforee...
and what the fuck i actually meant to you...
yeah click.. REWIND... PAUSE.

i never meant a shit... and what difference now!?
NOTHING.
FATS FORWARD... you still dont give a shit!

2006-08-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

just tell me why its so hard to believe you

2006-08-26T19:05:00.000+08:00

the 2 bears said chill mehn...
doodled all over was "we're all here for you no matter what"
and what did he say when she needed him?
"i was just saying hi"
turned around and walked away

appreciation

when he was down, she tried to help him
she couldnt make him laugh
but she tried just to be by his side
she hoped he knew it, she thinks he does
when he had problems, she reasoned out with him
that everytime he was out, she was there

he had private issues, she went over the line
he told her
she backed off a little
she thought she being there wouldve helped
she knows she tried when he was out
then. all she ever wanted was to show him she had cared and loved

she has been buzy
she told him
he says he understands
however acts indifferent with her presence
she knows she's bein hated right now
probably being backstab at this moment
she doesnt give a fuck

"what does he care?", she thinks
when will he understand that sometimes all people need is real understanding
never?
he said he'd be there for her.
all she had to do was tell him only.
she told him, with her eyes swollen already
he still is indefferent

now when shes down and really out
all he says is.
"i was just saying hi"
turned around, probably was really the last of it

she then thinks wow
so much for "i understand"

2006-08-23T20:53:00.000+08:00

no really. tell me when you actually care
and when my existence really is present in both your physical and concious means

one day this
next day!

invisible!! yehey! lets all celebrate!!!!!!
what joy!!!!!

its only rach anyway!!

damn.. hahaha. u want an answer still?
your answering them on your own already! :D

2006-08-21T11:26:00.000+08:00

Would you wait?
While im trying to explain.
We're fighting again
Can you hear meeeeeeeeeeeeee
-Fallen of Deaf Ear, Urbandub

i cant get it out ouut of my head.. you just left me there, no calls following up.. goshhhhhhh!!!
so many secrets, "things i wouldnt want to see?" haiii.. simple lies can be the cruelst ones in silence.. it was on our algeb quiz paper..
argh!!!!!

who else? i thought. it was only me or something.. hahaha.. damn!!!
that strap..

honestly.. no calls.. no whatever.. nothing.. not even a text...
leave me hanging liek that.. aftr something like that happens.. all you have to say is that im lazy? your just absolutely cool i swear!
i have nothing to say anymore..
except that was such an ASSHOLE MOVEEEE
i dont even know whats really going on with you.. but if theres somehting else going on..
fuck it.

fuckkk itt

2006-08-20T12:02:00.000+08:00

hello..~

so, im 16...

i don't feel the difference.. in fact i feel old.. eew.. hahaa!

well my birthday i must say was spent campus touring basketball and debating.
really sucked out all my energy!
im planning to replenish it over these 2 days.. with dvds and sound trips.. however. that would be like temporary.

i have prom meeting in a while~
ohh... yeah, now i rememebr..

went to zak, mitch. martin and don's thing yesterday.. hahaha..
i said i was feeling old a while ago, but i felt young yesterday!
ahaha.. whatever ~
it was alright, got to talk and talk and talk. and thats about it.. hahaha

saw some interesting personalites~

this birthday was coool (:
i have my mum and homie to thank..
of course the class too! ahahaa. and the team who came over for dinner friday night.

ive never felt as tired as ever.. haahaha..
oh well!!
this week's going to be interesting. im sure there will be alot fo bursing out in class, being the last week of shooting, althought i personally think we wasted alot of time the past 2 weeks!

haiiiiiiii..

2006-08-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

time out !!!

my brain and body is on a overdrive..

i have to have to recover so much sleep over he weekend.. like.. my brains gone kaboog..

ive been so spaced out during practice...

spaced out when im aloone.. as in lke bad spaced out..

not like my "stoner", thats what people all me hahaha..
but its like a reall... depressive feeling?

im hoping its pms..

i cant seem to put my finger on it~

then empty promises just makes them worst..
what more not having a family member around~

i'll get by..
im just tired in and out...

hopefully you would understand...

mwah~

2006-08-16T21:14:00.000+08:00

less than 3 hours... :(

and my noseee!! i don 't feel goood.... WAAAH..

timing!!

2006-08-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

rach is an invisible babeee...

are'nt i homie?

i was just thinking of what sir cortel was saying just now.. about the mind...

i mean this is just what i think, its only my thoughts. i can think anyway :p

your intellectual act of seeing could be not connected to the reflection of your mind.
that cant be an intellectual act right?

ok niceee one!!!

practice was baad... like baad... everyone's head was like... dang...
haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

against st scho this weekend~
we kinda need the support, cmon guys supposrt the lady archers~

feel so bleah-d out now.. first time in a long timeeeeeee... :|

probably just need some chilling~

2006-08-14T19:41:00.000+08:00

im going to have my massage in a while....

i wish everything could go back liek happy happy joy joy
was outside SH just now.. brought backk sooooooooooo many wonderufl memories.. hahaha!

however other thing just lead you to confusion..
if thursday really pulls through, damn its meant to be~ haha!

oh welll..

omgg!!!!!!! so fast... the 3rd bday in zobel!
im excited...

2006-08-13T17:52:00.000+08:00

hmmm...

lost all that passion~ the love...
maybe its just been misplaced...

words are usually only to a certain level~
have i taken them too deep?
it could be the source from where the words came from that just really turns one off~
i guess thats pretty credible...
am i being reasonable?
been feeling very stale~
what am i supposed to do anyway?

what does someone do when they've heard they have been given up on, and when they are too much? honestly. out of all the conflicts ive had with other people, imust admit that one hit me. it got me thinking if i was.. which led to one of the previous posts. you see i did analyze to see where i stood.. i ended up finding out things which happened int the past. which could justify a fact, or a hypothetical statement i may not be too much...

well, who am i to say?

happiness is a state of mind
its either im not reaching that level yet
or right now, i have no definition of happiness

2006-08-12T18:27:00.000+08:00

later on in the day....

"#9 fouled out"

hahahaha.. my first game i 'graduated'~ isnt that hot?

watching the opening on tv now.. hahaaha..
tthis should be really interesting, although there are a bunch of girls doing a chinese number now.. hahha...

yehey.. graduate ~

well at leats i learned something! hahaha!

2006-08-12T08:40:00.000+08:00

goodmorning..

my morning.. haii.. maybe better later in the day.

we went to mike's last night, alot quieter than last year~ i played poker man! but with no money.. hahaha my first time with all the 'chips'... it was fun. although i didnt know the poker terms.. hahaha big man? small man ? ahah whatever!

kevin was there! yes!! the quiet one! i lost to him.. hahhaa. he won. dang man!

so its going to be my first proper game in the Philippines~
im feeling sleepy... i rememeber that coach ja saying i have to be emotionally and physically ready~ hmmmmm...

don't ruins my mornings, through the day it would be ok, but just not my mornings..

thats the only period of time where my head is balanced

i couldnt sleep through the night. i'll probably sleep for another hour after this~

goshhhh.......5 more dayssssssssssssssssss!!!!

2006-08-09T21:00:00.000+08:00

dang, am i bad at it.. hahahaha. shit boy..
what an embarassment it'll bee.. oh f it anyways :p

hahahaha.

how many more days! hahahaha yehey!

be mineee be mine" some OC song.. hahaha.. yes. OC!!!

PE tomorrow.. ahhahaha. this shall be real intersting!

first game on saturday.. even more interesting man!!! :D

could we ever have these feelings again
maybe in time we'll realize that
fate reveals the remedy

2006-08-08T18:54:00.000+08:00

not now.. not ever..
not now.. maybe later?

i put something new in my multiply. check it out http://rachelsticks.multiply.com
its something different~

i didnt praqctice today.. my tummy liek drained all my frikkin utrients.. so ok i shall be vice free for the next few months man! not a problemoo.. :)

haha i felt so weka the whoel day today. thankfully it was a short day. i got to get "counselled" by coach Ja.. hahaha. coool..

so now i have to prioritize mann..

well well wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllll..

this is awkward, you know how you try to block something out of your head, but it finds away back in your little big heart..

then u as yourself.. why?
nothing's happening.. dang man!

im so sleeping early today...................
i feel like.. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWW..

9 more days................................................

2006-08-07T20:46:00.000+08:00

hehehehee 10 more days man!!! :D

ohh my. hahaha this is a milestone.. hahahaha. yehey! for me, 16 was like the magic age, well actually in reality its 18.. but what the heck :p

10 more days.. hehehehe.. i cant wait.. ehehehehe..

better be a sweet funkaye one!

im breaking out with allergies from stress man!! damn!!

mwahh

2006-08-06T17:53:00.000+08:00

girl, he's yours..

fate fate fate. a reaction to what jia jun said.

hehe. people might think im like just moving along with fate.. i am grabbing life by the balls i hope. :)

i don't liek being told that im too much then another later on. it just confuses me.. and ives me unnecessary emotional choova.. i dont like it at all.. seeing is as well as believing... im not supposed to care about what other people are saying. however, sometimes they are just probably stating the obvious already. once again. im in no postion to pass a verdict..

can fate really reveal the remedy?

over time it would. who would wait for it to be revealed? thats just stupid. someitmes folowing your instincts can lead you to good times. i do believe when the elders say they know better. maybe this is what dad was trying to keep me from.. the emotional war.. its not easty hearing sweet things and yet finding out that your out with a specific person. its not nice at all.. then being told then im still loved? and mind you.. im too much.. haii.. im not basing this on what other people are saying, but the words that were sent from you to me.
yes.. fate wil reveal the remedy..
however riding aloong with it hurts you... so damn babes. grab life first... whatever happens. happens...

at the analysis.. i believe what you've been saying to me was too much.. i never said i couldnt handle you.. only the situations.. but i always found ways to tackle. i may have given up.. but always followed the flicker of hope..
i failed to then.. what was i supposed to do? what happened THEN. was really too much already.. for me to handle.. were you even aware that you werent the only emotional stress? did you ever consider that i had another person, a really close family member, that would be departing temporarily for a while..? that departure has been so hard on me.. have you ever noticed it? did you take those feelings into consideration...

consideration... im the one inconsiderate..
you left the note back on my folder.... dont touch my sticker! i took time doing it.. but i put the sticker back..
i realize that ive been doodling the word peace alot... i need, a peace of mind wiht you...
i think what you meant was i was inconsiderate hooking up.. mind you, there was nothign going on between us then.. haii.

how ould one just say things. over a SINGLE situation that the other is too much. the past keeps appearing... its really leading us to no where talking about it.. i hope you re-analyze what was realy happening on my side.. i dare say that it was too much what had happened beforei left.. and ll i did was just found a way to deal.. i did say you were too much.. when you hurt me directly. infront of your friends.. when there was actually something still going on with us..

i dislike what was said to me. im hurt by it.. but you know what? thats life.. it slaps you in the face once in a while.. im growing up, there are more to come, and worst they shall evolve.. im trying to deal with it... it would be nice to have just decent 2 weeks.. for this month.. and those words said.. hit rock bottom.. tore it apart man.. after everything i had gone through for something great to live i was too much.. was i ever appreciated for thos sacrifices? righ? loving someone is when you sacrficed yoru happniess and ignored yourself.. i did that.. infact.. i sacrificed my relationship with my family.. thank God it has been recovered.. have you ever thought of that..

i think ive been through a roller coaster. i really honestly loved it.. remember.. its the journey that counts..

so now. who's the one who's too much? im not saying its you.. but you telling me im too much. without deep thought..

im not going to tell her anything. its not my life. but if i see something wrong, only as a righteous acquiantence shall i help...

howww could you say something so cruel..

i cant hate you... i cant. i choose not too..
why?
cos this thing which people call love.. blinds it...

but no.. im too much.

2006-08-05T20:39:00.000+08:00

hello babes and babes..

whats happening.. hahaha
its not that long ago since i blogged........

i dont know man..

august oh august.. cmon mehn!!
watched sukob.. i almost lost my voice!
yes im a wuss.. i was screaming my head off.. grabbing diobel and hannah..hilarious man.. my feet were int he air.. ahahahaha. it was hella fun man.. hahaha.
we had our opening thing. i tw as kinda boring. just walked around that place..

hahaha.. poon number 9!! supposed to be PooNine..
hahaha..
eew.

well.. at 7.13am. my day was set off to a different direction already..
the month could be a lil less pathetic.. you know.. it seems that everything thats being told.. grabe man.. GRABE

i want everyting my way. how can that be!?!?!?!?!?! im not like.. that. above you?!?! fuck man.. haha.

ok whatever.. im plunging back into life again like 2 more weeks or so from now..

imm like tired, planning to finish the oc off tonight!

dang man.. dang nalang.. DANG!!!

2006-08-04T23:52:00.000+08:00

what is fate anyway..

as far as im concerned now... seems liek my augusts are always sooo.. like depressing..

im liek physically.. tired..

i cant help to think why my honesty led you something else..

the whole point of putting the past behind..???
who was i kidding..... that would never have gone away. i guess it depends on the person itself.

gave it another shot.. i want everything my way??? cmon.. i asked.. gosh.....

then this?? ohh myyy..

my augusts!! when will i ever have a good august.. cmon august!!!

its either boys will be boys, or players will be players..
who am i to say??
i thought that i did my part of being honest about it, instead of hiding. however, one way again.. it could never be dealt with....
someone reveal the remedy already..

the distance is killing me.. hahaha.. dang man..

We could've been more
Can we ever have these feelings again?
We should've been more
Maybe in time we'll realize that maybe
Fate reveals the remedies
Making it feel like it will be like the first time.

we really couldve been more man// i dont understand.. i justified.. i opened up... it was too early to do so?? this is driving me to hatred already.. hatred of the situation.. damn im lost.. august!! make it sweet.. make it sweeeeeeeeet...

its not that you can thandle me. you choose not to. you havent analyzed.. after everything in the summer. whatever happend to that statemnt of clearing things in the summer which was supposed to be put behind..? NOTHING> of that came to life... maybe tooo ffast to judge it..

or maybe im just part of an option... well looks like it! i feel bad.. for the other.. i mean cmon.. thats so unfair.. to both.. once again, who am i to say anyway..

i never gave up on spongebob...

the only time i did was cos i was given the wrong signs.. what was i supposed to do! really!!!

me liked spongebob alot.. aloot.. alloooot.. my favourite man. is my fave, were the fave. goshh.. haii putangina..

im so lost.... dang man.. dang nalang.

there. in a snap. boom. you don't "lief".. according to the pastor today.
asking me what i would if i was in your situation. well i was in that position.. for a loooooooong time.... gave up? nahh..
goshh...

where am i headed toooo..

someone slap some sanity into me already.....

2006-08-03T20:35:00.000+08:00

could we have this feelings again?!? hahaha.

urbandub...

his separation is killing me
you say I shouldâ€™ve thought that
before I did what I have done
so easier to put the blame on you
I shouldâ€™ve looked inside of me
But itâ€™s all in vain as I try to explain
She pulls awayâ€¦

We couldâ€™ve been more
Can we ever have these feelings again?
We shouldâ€™ve been more
Maybe in time weâ€™ll realize that maybe
Fate reveals the remedies
Making it feel like it will be like the first time.

Still the vision on my mind
Cuz now I realize itâ€™s
so damn hard to give you up
no way out of this hole
can we ever have us back again?
letâ€™s not start and put the blame part away
can you honestly say
you can see me with another one?
Another one, another chance with you
I want more, I want more, I want more.

Regretting it now
Can fate reveal to me?
The questions to why?
Reveal the remedy.

Couldâ€™ve been more
Shouldâ€™ve been more
Maybe in time weâ€™ll realize that maybe
That fate reveals the remedies
making it feel like it will be like the first time
just like the first time.

beautiful lyrics mahn!!
Reveal the Remedy - Urbandub

just one wish for my 16th.. hahaha...

im the one with pride huh.. hahaha. yeah.. i do have pride, thats why i apologized.. thats just a FALSE ANALOGY..

whateva, it was a sincere one~
its not my choice anymore.. haha. so i think. but i meant it. mehn!

kakainis.. cant get me game.. arggh!~

im like smelling.. really baad now. hehehehehe..

my favouriteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee onee.

2006-08-02T17:08:00.000+08:00

im here today for some analysis.

i seriously didnt see the point of it.

after relooking and thinking, it is probably there's no trust. who can expect trust in a snap of a finger anyway?

maybe it was a plot, a plot of backfiring. unless the whole idea of the situation, was to backfire. if so, then the objective was definitely attained.

i have so many things in my head that i just want to lay out on the table.

having all these activities is really distracting me from them. i dont know if its thats a good or bad thing.

peace and harmony for us seems to be impossible. not even 2 days..

well well...

i doubt there shall be anymore responses anyway. seems to be no reason for it.

i don twant to be backfired at. i justified myself clearly, and stated that i did not want it to be brought up.... i thought that the past was behind.. obviously not. what you dont care about is how the other person is feeling. not about the past. unless you dont want to take that into consideration, you should have never agreed to this in the first place.

i miss it. if theres anything i could do to relive it, i would. getting the other vibe just turns me off... can i conclude that all this was just to backfire?

it coudl be a conclusion. however i'd like to think that it doesnt livee in ya personality..

so nope/ that shall not be a fact. so i think onlyy.

not even 2 dayssssssssssss... dang~

2006-08-01T20:38:00.000+08:00

alright.

i blog when im full of passion

and right now im full of it..
but i'll cal lit anger.

anger does bring out the pasison of people i must say. .

ahhaha but. i have more important things to do in the academic world...

2006-07-31T20:09:00.000+08:00

hmmmmm... ohkayy..

i dont really seee it.. buuuuuuuuuttt.. okayy... haha

2006-07-30T20:00:00.000+08:00

ooi ooi ooi....

so this weekend's ending seeemss pretty goood

geek alert!

2006-07-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

helloo..
its the last day of the week. hell its been rainy. i feel so ffin frustrated. hahaha..

listening to urbandub noooooow..

let frikkin gooooooo...?

that would porbably be the best option, instead of going against a cold, very cold wall man.

my mind's just in a mess. Ian's at a party now. hahaha. yeah man. tangina. hahahaha..

fuck shit dude major fuck shit.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

143 girl. hahahahaha...