@10:07 PM
this week was'nt pretty at all..
but first of all a big HELLO TO MY BELOVED KICK ASS FRIEND ALEXIS BISUNA!!!
OH CHECK HER GREAT DEBUT AT ZOBEl'S WEBSITE :P HEHEHE. just click the link :p
the late nights, water works.. wow...
the sickness. haha the love sickness! hahaha!
nothing to make it better at all~
no cure.. whatsoever.. thats so saddening !
i guess the carrot cake from bizu which awaits my indulgence shall help me a tiny bit~
i see now that it isnt affecting the two only, but the people around me too. thinking they're protecting me from the truth.. haha i understand that completely...! seriously i doooo~
its just somewhat of a "haii.." moment when you think of the reason. i mean as much as possible they can refrain from telling me.. I find out either way. if its the truth.. they bound to unfold its way. to me.. hahaha pretty annoying too.. cos i kinda don twant to know anymore.. cos everytime i know.. its another viscious cycle and i end uup on the rope about to cut my head of! haha.
well.. the truth that old habits NEVER die... reached me today. hahahaha. lets just gamble everything away. life is a gamble anyway.
you risk the people who really loved you away..
and u risk the option of the person who loves you not finding out..
yeah gamble it all away.. ahaha.
its a win or lose situation now.
nothing in the middle!
cos in gambling u never stay in the middle.
u either win or lose alll...
but then. i dont know why people risk things..
why..? :(
thats the part wheni think i really didnt do enough of the sort.. thats why the gamble has to be taken... and it was'nt really worth the while of sticking to one.. when you could have many at the same time... cos sometimes.. we have to stick with reality. eventhough there are statements of pretty things said. you can never run away from reality. cos life is reality.. we have to face it. and truth really bites you in the ass...
i don't want conflict any further with all this acquired information. i really don't want to... thats why apologies fix everything.
temporarily that is..
had i folllowed my instincts.. haiiii.
whatever.
well as my dad taaught me.
so long as your on the right track, and you know deep within... you know you did'nt o anything to destroy something..
you should have nothing to be worried about.
Now, i'd like to clarify, the people how think like that most of the time.. are somewhat the apostles of egoism..~ so don't mistake me.. im talking about people who are intact with their feelings.. and values. and their standards of good are strongly grounded...
there's nothing wrong with stooping down from your guard. especially when your partner accepted who you are completely...
once you've somewhat gambled it away.. or even taking that gamble. you dont realize that your actually losing him/her as the moments come by..
cos your fights will be based on your doubts in a way. cos your doubts are from what your doing that you cant tell him/her... people fail to see that sometimes. im talking in general right now.. you have more arguments cos you think that you cant even trust the person.. i have an explanation from that.. cos.. when you take gambles.. you are in engrossed with the game... you fail to really communicate with the real "person" who you're with.. and you kind of minimize it.. that.. when you start communicating with her.... its like.. your not used to it.. co syou were'nt exaclty paying attention to her.. but more of interested in something else..
i mean thats my opinion.. with the help of a great friend to realize something like this... and of course, life's experiences itself.
yeah.. only 16 years. but the experiences you have.. are eye openers!
well, they are for me... i see how people work now.. and is sad.. really sad...
so.. i guess it has been a really horrid aching period of time.. i mean they realy twick your emotions to another level, that i must say.. has beeeen.. soooooooooooooo.. exhausting..
now.. this weekend.. im so regaining my energy back...
i love all of my friends..
i guess my love shall go out to the people who actually need it...
not to the people who gamble it away..
why..?
for reasons unknown.. -the killers..
i guess that title actually is self explanatory
haii..
love~
